I, myself, fear me

We all have our fears. I have many myself. But my biggest is not of something out there, not of someone out there, I fear me. I fear you can't handle me. I won't let you know all there is to know because I don't think you can take it. It's not that I don't trust you, it's that I don't have faith in me. I failed and disappointed me numerous times. So I'll tell you only bits and pieces of me. I'll let you see only what is safe, and what I can no longer hold back.
And anyways, I would not know how to do things right even if wanted to. I tried bullring it out. The result is usually something too strong or too little, it gets misunderstood, it's scary and leads to endless apologizing. I tried thinking long and thoroughly, make a structured list of ideas that I need expressing. When it is time for them to come out, they may come out all forced and artificial and fake; or I may forget and mix them up, or just barely stutter them unconvincingly, all ending in a quiet blushed me with big watery eyes. Or I can just shut up, keep it all inside until there is no point in saying or doing anything because it's way to late and it's all lost for good, or too far in the past to hurt anyone. I can end up grateful I held my tongue, or endlessly regretting having missed that small window of opportunity to come clean.
They are all good approaches if used with caution and in the right circumstances. Sometimes all you should do is say things out loud, impulsively, unpredictable, chaotic and most of all honest; other times you should build up a case, prepare arguments, think things through; and at some point it's better to just shut the hell up, turn around and walk away. I just usually fail miserably when it comes time to choose one and I end up making a big mess of things.